Just Some Random Thoughts

In January I turned 61 years old.  That's not such a big thing, at least not to anyone else.  I guess it wouldn't be all that important to me, except that I feel like I'm watching my life pass me by and it makes me feel sad.  I wonder sometimes where my life would have taken me if I hadn't walked into Longwood Gardens on that day back in 1992.  I don't really regret that day because I do love my husband.  I've had an interesting life since we got together.  Experiences that I sometimes wish I'd never had.  Working 10 years at the credit card company being one of them.  I know that I've learned a lot about myself through that experience but it took a large toll on my mental and physical self.  I learned that I give too much to other people in the hopes that they will like me and make me part of their group of friends.  I also come across as being needy,  that I need someone to help me all of the time.  I really do not want to do that for the rest of my life!  Speaking of the rest of my life, I joined AARP awhile ago.  I'm not sure why I joined except that the literature they sent out said that being a member could get you some discounts.  I also receive their monthly magazine.  Normally I don't read much in the magazine, but I sat down this morning and read some very disturbing articles.  Suddenly at 61 I'm feeling very vulnerable, angry and unhappy.  Everyday, it seems, people are being pulled out of their homes because of foreclosure due to lose of all of their savings.  It seems the government (Medicare, Medicaid) have not kept up with the cost of living and medical care.  In reality there are so many people in my age bracket living at poverty level now and being treated as if they can still pay for what they need.....it's ridiculous!!!  I don't want to be in that situation, EVER!  It also makes me worry about my hubby.  I don't want us to be part of that group.  What happens when we don't have insurance to help cover our medical expenses?  Maybe it's time to write some letters to some of our representatives in the government.  That brings up the subject of dying.  At least for me, right now.  I'm not going into it.  This is a subject that I think about more often now.  Mostly because of my parents.  It's not overly depressing but I think writing about my feelings will help me a lot.