Depression & Loneliness

I've been thinking a lot about things in general in my life and it's making me a little down.  Right now I'm fighting depression everyday and it's wearing me out.  I don't have anyone to talk to right now because my therapist is leaving the area and she's only here one day a week.  Being in this house has taken a real toll on me.  Of course loosing my mom and dad hasn't made things any easier.  I feel sick all of the time.  There's always something wrong and sometimes I feel like this the way the rest of my life is going to be.  I am going to try and walk as much as possible and see if that doesn't help.  It's just that I have to talk myself into doing that for me.  The other thing is that I have to let go of the feeling that I have to do something around this house.  I don't!  I really don't give a s**t about this house!  There's too much stuff in here and no one but me seems to want to do anything about it.  My mother-in-law sits on her ass in the family room waiting to die.  She doesn't give a crap about anyone but herself and she CAN'T do anything.  But I digress.......
Today I'm going to work on my horses and enjoy myself immensely and after I've done that I'll feel better.  Suddenly I'm very tired.  This is another thing that happens to me all of the time.  I just get really sleepy and my eyes start closing on their own.  It's very annoying.  My focus is slowly disappearing and I'm being distracted by everything.  I didn't mean to start writing about my depression but it just came out.  Maybe that's a good thing.  (I wish she would just shut up and not talk to me!)
I'm going to have to learn how to put some pictures on my blog because I love to take them.  Especially of my two.  Thank God for my dogs and just dogs in general!!!  I'd have lost my mind by now if I didn't have these two to keep me straight!
Halloween is just a couple of days away and I have very mixed feelings about it.  It's probably my least favorite holiday of all and yet the kids just love to get the candy.  I love some of the costumes too.  I guess the reason I don't really like it is that it seems to be getting to be a bigger holiday every year.  I just don't like it all that much.
Back to my horses.  I've got two to paint and I'm going to start them today.  I haven't really decided on the colors yet.  I think one of them is going to be a chestnut and the other a dark bay.  We'll see.  My little palomino turned out OK and he was fun to work on so I think the larger horses will be a lot more fun.  Hopefully I'll be able to post some pics soon.
Well, gotta' go to work!

Well my horses are still sitting quietly without any work done to them.  I was afraid this would happen to me.  I am afraid of making mistakes so I haven't been able to do anything.  I keep finding pictures and saving them but as far as trying anything I just haven't done it.  I've got 2 horses ready to paint and I can't decide what color I want to make them.  I have 3 or 4 other horses I want to start on but I am not going to do anything until I finish the 2 horses on the table.  I'm sticking to that.  Why is it so difficult to get over my fear of making mistakes?!  I'm going to keep working on it. 
I finally got up the nerve to call my brother and it was so worth it.  I love talking to him and he sounds so good.  I'm so happy he's happy now.  He's a real dad and I think he's really enjoying it.  He is so blessed.  A beautiful wife, 2 beautiful kids, and wonderful in-laws.  I'm so happy for him.