Another Long Absense

Here I am again and it has been a long time.  Things have not changed much since my last post and I'm not sure if that's good or bad.
There is so much to do around this house since G. is gone and it's really weighing us down.  We both walk around the rooms and just look at the "things" we have to make decisions about.  All of the papers to go through and get rid of, etc, etc, etc,.........................  I am not allowing myself to work on any of my projects until I get rid of some "stuff".  Of course that's a really stupid thing to do because it would make me feel a lot better if I did work on some of my projects.  I have a horse to paint and it's been standing, ready, for a couple of months now.  I think I'm afraid I'm going to enjoy this new hobby too much or that I'll actually be good at it.  I just feel like I'm wasting a lot of valuable time and I have to stop.  Maybe I should lighten up a little bit.

People Who Come Into Your Life

It's been awhile, again.  I've been thinking about things I haven't thought about for some time.  One of those things is how interesting it is how people come quietly into your life and make a lasting impression.  Most of the people I know or have known don't particularly appreciate the monthly visits from the folks representing the Jehovahs Witness.  But a couple of years ago a lady showed up at Gloria's door and talked to her about the Jehovahs Witness beliefs.  Of course, Gloria didn't know how to just "get rid" of her and probably didn't really try.  So when I came home (from where ever I was at the time) Gloria told me all about this woman.  A short black lady all dressed up (even a hat) and another well dressed person bringing all of this information about the Bible, etc.......  Her name is Betty and she is very sweet.  I ask Gloria if she had told her (Betty) that she wasn't interested and she said she had mentioned it.  Anyway, to make a long story short, since I answered the door one day, she and her husband (Sylvester) have been showing up once a month.  I could just turn her away because she's the kind of person that you just want to hug.  She has this wonderful attitude about her religion and people in general and I expect she smiles no matter what.  Betty and Sylvester showed up the week after Gloria died and Barry was outside and told them what happened.  Betty must have caught him at the door.  I went out to find him and was surprised by them, especially because  Barry doesn't usually like to talk to "those" people.  Betty was upset and I immediately got a big hug.  That's when I got to meet Sylvester (he usually doesn't get out of the car).  They went out to see Gloria when she was in the rehab residence and spent an hour or so with her and couldn't believe that she was gone.  Anyway, I was really surprised when Betty showed 2 evenings later with beautiful tulips in a glass container.  I've told her since (the last time she stopped by) that I'm going to plant the bulbs at the grave site she seemed to think that was a wonderful idea.  I like Betty a lot and I will see her once a month because she said she would continue to visit and read me the current bible verse of the month.  Comfort from a strange.  What a novel idea.
So this is the story of a stranger quietly stepping into your life and leaving a nice mark on your heart.  Thank you Betty.

Thinking About the Past

I haven't posted for awhile because I think of things and then I don't take time to put them here.  Or I just don't make time.  Today is one of those days that some nice memories of my past have come back.  I bought myself a CD while I was visiting a friend, The Best of Peter, Paul & Mary.  It is one of my most favorite CDs ever!  I know that Mary is gone and I'm not sure if both of the guys are still alive but they were a big part of my life a long time ago.  I don't know if anyone other then someone my age that's into folk music would know what a coffeehouse was.  I mean this is way, way before Starbucks.  These places were small cozy little (I hate to say it) smoke filled spots where most of the people that gathered there were people who were or wanted to be musicians, writers, painters, poets, philosophers, etc.............  They seem to be one step outside the circle of what was considered "normal".  The coffeehouse also had some sort of live music or poetry reading from someone who had something to say.  The songs and poetry were usually written about how these people saw the world and the sorry situations we had to deal with.  I'm sure these people are still writing about the same things, only in the present.   Sorry I got a little side tracked.  It turns out there was a small coffeehouse in the basement of one of the churches in downtown Harrisburg.  I'm getting ahead of myself but my first visit told me I would really love to be in this type of life.  My introduction to this place came through the sister of one of my boyfriends.  Sue was 2 or 3 years older then me but we enjoyed a lot of the same things.  We started talking a lot and spending time together and one day she told me about the coffeehouse in town (Harrisburg) and ask if I wanted to go.  I couldn't wait!   The place was open on Friday and Saturday evenings from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. and there was no alcohol allowed.  Needless to say, mom and dad were a little apprehensive about us going downtown at night.  Sue had her drivers license and we promised to be home by 11:00.  It was the best thing I had ever done!  There was a single guitarist playing and the music was just wonderful.  We really enjoyed it and didn't stop talking about it for a week!  It was one of the best times in my life!  We ended up going a couple of times a month for about a year then the Beatles happened and Sue went crazy!  She wasn't very interested in folk music anymore and we stopped going to the coffeehouse.  It didn't take long for me to get into the Beatles but it was never anything like Sue.  We did a lot more things together, including going to see the Beatles in Atlantic City and the Rolling Stones in Harrisburg.  Then Sue went to college and we (my family) moved away from Marysville and Sue and I lost touch.  It's funny how a couple of songs will bring back so many memories.  I haven't thought about Sue in a very, very long time.  I hope she's healthy and happy and has had a wonderful life.  It always amazes me how many people we've known go by the wayside.  I guess you never really forget them if they've touched your life in some way.
It's a very dreary day and this is a nice memory.  Sometimes it's fun to go back.

My Thoughts on This New Chapter

This is hard.  I haven't been able to focus on the things that need to be done around here since G. died.  I have been trying to make things a little easier by picking one spot to work in, but it's hard to do.  There are so many things that have to be taken care of and no matter where you start there's always something that pulls you in another direction.  I hope I can get rid of my own stuff so that no one will have to do this, sorting through things to make sure there isn't something important in them.  Every drawer, every closet, every place you turn there is something else to pull out and sort through and decide where it should go.  I wish it were a little easier.  I suppose the dramatic break in my routine may be part of my problem.  The house is quiet 24/7 now and I'm still not quite use to it.  The freedom that G.'s passing has given me is something I really didn't expect for a long time and adjusting isn't coming as quickly as I had hoped.  I thought at first I would feel guilty about feeling relieved but I don't and that makes me very happy.  Now I'd just like to stop procrastinating about everything and just do something.  I have so many things that I love to do and so many things I've started.  I keep trying to find whatever it is in creative people that gives them the single-mindedness to do what they're good at. 
I've started rambling because I have things I have to do now and I can't get to the things I wanted to put down.

Final Closing

Today was the funeral for my mother-in-law and it turned out to be a very nice day.  Quite a few people showed up and of course we saw members of the family we haven't seen in a long time.  It's always the same thing.  People don't get together for anything else anymore.  I guess weddings and graduations qualify for that too.  It's sad commentary on our lives that we don't have time to talk anymore.  We all run off to do whatever, where ever, when ever and take no time for family.  Anyway, things will begin to come together now and we'll get all of the paperwork and "stuff" cleaned up around here.  It's a new beginning and we have a lot of things to think about.  We are going to try and make this our home now I guess.  A lot depends on what happens with the taxes and other things.  The lawyer says it takes about a year to get everything settled.  It seems like a long time but it isn't really.  It will pass quickly.
Life goes on...................................

Another Chapter Ending

We've had a very rough day, today.  We got a phone call from the nursing home rehab residence, at about 2:20 a.m., that my mother-in-law had to be taken to the local hospital's emergency room.  We'd been warned on Sunday, by the nurse on duty, that it's what happens when one of their patients has a serious medical problem.  In this case G. couldn't get her breath and the para-medics were called to get her to the emergency room.  They tried everything to bring her back on the way to the hospital but I believe she was gone before she even reached the ER.  We got to the hospital and were about to get out of the truck and B's phone rang and it was the nurse in the ER calling to tell us that G. was gone.  B. told him where we were and that we would be right in.  It took both of us a couple of minutes to get over the shock and then we went inside.  The ER doctor came out to talk to us and explained that she believed G. went into cardiac arrest and that was it.  I have to agree with the doctor.  I really believe that her heart was just plain worn out.  I think it was like a domino effect.  Once you go into the hospital and they fix one thing, it sets something else off and then it just keeps going.  I'm glad that she didn't have to go into the hospital to die and I'm glad it was quick.  If I have to go naturally that's exactly how I want to go.  I think initially it's all very surreal because you just can't get your mind to accept it.  We went into the ER and saw G. and then thanked everyone and left.  B. kept saying 'I just don't believe it.' and I just shook my head.  No matter what, you're never ever ready or prepared for that phone call.  I'm keeping an eye on B. because I'm worried about him.  He's a little overwhelmed right now and he's over tired too.  At this point all I can do is be there for him and let him do what he has to do as long as it isn't self destructive.  I only worry when he gets quiet.  Then I just watch him closely.  I love him so much but he's going to have to get through a lot of this on his own.  I think he'll be OK.  He knows I'm right here if he needs me.
I started this awhile ago and this day is coming to an end now.  A very good friend of mine called and she and her husband brought a whole chicken dinner over for us.  We sat and talked for awhile and they just left about half an hour ago.  Neither B. or I are very hungry tonight, but it was still such a very nice thing she did.
I think B. is exhausted (finally) and will be able to sleep tonight.  I really hope so.  We have so much to do..........  Handling the death is hard enough but the worst is yet to come and it's going to get harder before it gets easier.
There are so many other things I could write here but I am exhausted to and I will start to ramble if I continue...........

Things are Getting Better

A few new things have happened since the 21st.  This past Friday evening, G. was moved to the nursing home rehab and it's really nice.  From the people we've talked to, it's gotten a lot of praise.  I'm really happy too.  I know G. was a little apprehensive about going to the nursing home but I think she finally realized that she's not staying there permanently.  It's not a bad place but I hope I don't have to go to anyplace like that.  I don't want to be taken care of by someone I don't know.  I'd just rather not be here.
Anyway, it's still very quiet around the house and I can't seem to get myself motivated to do anything at all.  I just walk around and look at things.  Pick them up, put them down, walk away and sit down in front of the computer.  I have no ambition to do anything.  I hope this passes because I don't like it at all! 
The weather has turned out to be horrible.  It's cold and icy and just miserable.  I guess not as bad as some of the places that have been hit but still nasty.  I'll be so happy when it clears up a little.  I wish it had just stayed cold and then I could go out and build a snowman.  For some reason I wanted to go out and build a snowman the other day but this was not a good snow for that.  A little too heavy and wet.  I'm pretty sure we'll have more snow soon enough.  As soon as I learn how to put pictures on this thing I'm going to put some on here.  It's taken me so long to figure all of this computer stuff out, it makes me crazy!